


How Do We Cope?

by coffeeandghostwritting



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Drinking, Established Relationship, Hurt, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of homophobia, Prison, mentions of bullying, mentions of drug use, mentions of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10315889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandghostwritting/pseuds/coffeeandghostwritting
Summary: My take on how Robert's visit with Aaron goes in prison when he tries to confront him about the drugs and Aaron tells him he has no use for him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is only my second fanfic, so please be nice! Also, I'm sure there are a lot of mistakes! I wrote this quickly! I just needed to write this down! Comments are always welcome!

Robert leaves the prison on autopilot. He was so angry when he first came in, almost daring Aaron to lie to him some more, even in the face overwhelming evidence that would say otherwise. He could tell Aaron was not well. He had been beaten up, that he was shaking from either withdrawals or the high. The fact he wouldn't meet Robert's eyes was evidence enough of his guilt and shame, but once he saw how hurt and pitiful Aaron looked, all the anger left him, and all he felt was sadness and fear. He wanted to hold his husband, protect him, and tell him everything was going to be okay, but Aaron was so broken and sealed off that even if he was allowed to do so, he doubted Aaron would even have allowed it. 

"Why are you doing this, Aaron?"

Aaron still wouldn't look up from the table but he finally answered after what felt like an eternity, "You couldn't possibly understand what it's like in here, to be tormented for being gay and for being Gordon's son, to be held hostage in a room where your father who went to prison for raping you hung himself, to be beaten daily..." Aaron took a breath and blew it out shakily and whispered the last part, "Drugs are the only thing keeping me alive." Aaron finally looked up to meet Robert's eyes, as if daring him to find him repulsive or challenge him. 

Robert sucks in a breath and his eyes fill with tears. He doesn't speak a first. He wants to be angry Aaron doesn't feel like Liv and Robert are reason enough to keep living but he's not, all he feels is sadness, a sadness that Aaron's life is just a continued cycle of one tragic circumstance after another and he can't seem to protect him from it. Aaron's next words almost make Robert's heart stop. 

"I don't want you to come back. You're...you're no use to me here. I'm no use to you. I'm not worth the hassle. You're better off without me and...and....and I'm better off without you. You and Liv need to get on with your lives and once I'm out, I'll be too strung out to care." Aaron's choking on his words as he says them, like each word causes him physical pain to say.

"What?" Robert can hardly breathe as he tries to get words out. He feels like he's having a heart attack and he's starting to sweat. "A...Aaro...lis.." he breathes out deeply and tires again. "Aaron listen, I know this is tough for you but..."

"NO!" Aaron bangs his hands on the table, eliciting looks from the other inmates in the room as well as the guards. He calms down and waits a few minutes to see what they do. When the guards don't look they are going to make them leave he continues, "No, you have no idea what it's like. You aren't here, Robert. If you wouldn't have touched me that day, none of this would have happened! Please, I can't! I'm not coping..."

Robert doesn't say anymore. He gets up abruptly and leaves. He thinks he can hear Aaron calling his name as he rushes out the doors but he's not sure, all he knows is he has to get out of there. He doesn't look back at Aaron. He can't say anymore to him because he knows he's right. He feels responsible. If he wouldn't have touched Aaron's leg under the table, desperate to feel his husband and craving some kind of contact because he was selfish, none of this would have happened and no one would have known Aaron was gay. He get's into his car and starts the engine and just sits. He's not sure how long he sits there, it could have been minutes or hours; he loses track of time. 

The next thing he knows he's hitting the steering wheel over and over screaming until his lungs burn, tears are streaming down his face, until there's nothing left to give. Once he's done, he drives back to the pub where he grabs a bottle of whisky and proceeds to drink until he can't feel the Aaron shaped hole in his chest anymore.


End file.
